I’ve been unwell for almost 1 month, have had fever on and off and felt tired all the time. Then 1 week ago I started coughing, really coughing that could go 3 minutes nonstop, and it was so awful until one day my boyfriend was fed up and forced me to go to the doctor to see what’s wrong with me.

"Go!" he told me. "You’ve been complaining all month, feeling tired and not 100%. You should see what’s wrong with you!"

You see I don’t like to go to doctors. In my 31 years old experience, I can count with only both hands, how many times I actually go to the doctor. I rarely go to hospitals, except having a medical checkup every year. I have no experience whatsoever dealing with nurses, doctors, and hospital administration.

It’s not because I’m incredibly strong and healthy; but because my dad is my family doctor! He’s been taking care of me since I was born (literally- he’s the doctor when my mom delivered me to this world!). And even if I had to go to the hospital (for dental appointment, for example), the ‘magic door’ is always open and I don’t have to queue and pay since my dad had taken care of it.

I’ve got that treatment when I still lived under the same roof with my parents. Now I’m 31 years old and living far from my dad, I have to deal with it myself. And everytime I’m sick, I don’t want to let my dad know about it, because he’s gonna send me a prescription and call me every day to make sure I have a good rest and take the medicine regularly (in other words: I’m back to be 5 years old again). But to go the hospital or clinic is a mystery for me either. I’m not familiar with it.

This time I had no choice. I felt so awful I had to take a day off from office. I sensed that my illness was more serious than I thought, because even after having a weekend off, I wasn’t getting better. So I went to this clinic with international reputation. Nice atmosphere, friendly staffs, and I even heard one doctor speaking Japanese with his patient. Impressive.

After 30 minutes the lady who’s dressed as a nurse asked me to get inside the room, but wait! Where’s the doctor? Oh, the doctor’s in the different room, and I wasn’t going to be examined here. This is the room where I’m having my weight, height, pulse, systolic/diastolic checked. 

After seriously putting my stats, she hushed me back to the waiting room. Ten minutes later the doctor called me in, and I was in her room. After listening to my complaints, she diagnosed me with either: a) dengue, b) hepatitis, or c)typhoid. Hence, I must have my blood checked.

I went panic and called up my dad. He answered, very quitely saying he’s still in the meeting and will call me back. Damn. Just when I needed him most.

I gave my blood sample to a nurse, and waited for my blood checked result for one hour.

When I went back to the clinic the doctor showed me the list that is full with jargons and words I don’t understand. After 10 minutes explaining every single detail blood check result with more even confusing terms, she told me that fortunately I didn’t have 3 big diseases she mentioned before. But she suspected me having a TBC. Despite my obvious symptom (hellloooo…. constant coughing!!), she still had to make sure, so I had to have my chest rontgen.

15 minutes later she announced her final diagnose: I have bronchitis. She wrote me a prescription, and told me to go back for another rontgen after 2 weeks.

My dad called me 4 o’clock in the afternoon after his meeting, and laughed when I told him about my experience.

"Bronchitis?" he said. "Naaah, you’re ok. You’re fine, it’s just common disease. What did the doctor give you? Wow… very expensive tablets."

Tell me about it dad. I almost passed out when paying my bill! (see, I never know how expensive it is, since I never pay!)

I’m still recovering now. My dad was here last night, and we went to my uncle’s place, who is a doctor himself. Both of them read my lab result, looked at each other, and smiled at me.

"You’ll be fine," my uncle said.

"You’ll be fine," my dad said.

Ok then.

Ever read the books called "4 Blondes" and "Trading Up" by Candace Bushnell (check http://www.candacebushnell.com/news.php?) It’s hillarious. It’s also scary, especially to me, to realize that there are so many women out there, who are willing to give up anything, anything!, just to climb a social ladder and be in a better position (richer, more famous, etc).

Oddly enough I’ve seen this thing happening surround me. There are lots of girls who would do anything and jump right into every possibility, setting aside their own dignity. There’s an interesting description about the main character in both books, Janey Wilcox (gosh what a lame name!): "Janey had no money, but she’d found that was irrelevant as long as she had rich friends and could get rich men".

That is so scary. But yet it’s so real. I happened to see a nice, bright, young lady, who had sacrificed her friends, career, and even dignity, just to be with this married guy, in order to get a monthly pocket money, a rent in a nice place (which is as nice as 5 star hotel and much much nicer compares to her tiny, gloomy room across the street before, and rumoured to be as expensive as her monthly salary), luxurious things such as brand new bags and clothes, iPod, guitar, PDA, and other expensive stuffs. Today she looks much more polished than a couple years a go. Upgraded alright. The reason why she’s chosen that path, I guess, was because her colleagues’ influence. This girl worked for an office, which its staffs are rich girls (well they’re not entirely rich, mostly their parents or husbands are), and they show up with authentic Louis Vuitton bags, Prada clothes, and Bulgary watches. Of course she wanted to be accepted in the society, and she wanted to feel those nice luxurious stuffs its name she never heard of before. One way was open, and she just jumped right in. She forgets that no matter how expensive the bag she carries, she still can’t by a  sense of style, or class.

One girl hooked up with a guy who just moved from Singapore. He showed up a couple months ago with this girl, and instantly we know there’s something… missing… about this girl. I mean she’s so stiff, never said a word, always sat next to him and never wanted to mingle with us. Then we found out that she keeps lying about her job (keeps changing if one asks what she does for a living), and she doesn’t speak English! How she talk to HIM… we never know. Perhaps they only need three words: you, me, and bed. But that’s not a relationship, is it? But the guy made a plea to my friend, begged her (and us) to be nice to his ‘friend’, because - on his defense - he wouldn’t be able to find a ‘nice girl like you’ (mean us), he’s not in the mood of relationship right now, and his situation is perfect for him (I guess by situation he meant: he provides money and she provides, err.. everything else). The girl, of course, is really enjoying her position right now. When my friends went to this guy’s party, the girlfriend happily gave a a free advice to my friend, which is: hurry up, immediately find a rich bule (white, western) guy, because they will fly you to Bali, pay your dinner, buy you clothes, and other stuffs. Upgraded alright.

An extreme example would be this girl. She’s 24, made herself pregnant (!) with 53 years old western guy (!). They went out a couple of times, but nothing exclusive at that time. But of course she must seize the day! After a long, long time ouf doubts and endless arguments, he decided to keep the baby. She delivered a very healthy daughter. When he saw the baby, he melted. So then he married her. She now is a lady of the house. With huge monthly allowance of course. What a big gamble she played, and yet she won!

The main reason behind the idea of upgrading themselves without considering the moral ethics, honour, and dignity, is because they project themselves to be in a certain "level", certain "degree". They see themselves walking in Plaza Indonesia with brand new Gucci bag and spending lots of cash for coffe, lunch, dinner, and shoppings. They want to have nice clothes and gagdets, join the expensive gym and clubs, go to Bali and preferably Singapore and hopefully further up like UK or US (hence, they could have a passport, yay!!), so they can brag about it to their friends. Knowing that they can’t afford it, they would do anything to be able to catch the dream. The easiest way to upgrade them? Finding a rich guy, of course!

I find it amazing, when my friend told me about this girl, who was an ex-fiancee of a 5-star hotel manager. This girl never works! She has monthly allowance from her daugther’s father (not the hotel manager), and from the hotel manager as well. With this money she’s able to feed herself, her baby AND her mom. When she broke-up from him, she’d found a guy who would feed her and her family as well. Like the main character in Bushnell’s books, she surrounded herself with rich friends and found a rich guy. She never had to work. If she runs out of money she just has to phone some guy and they will send her cheque. She told my friend that she thinks working is a dull task. The last time I heard about her, was that she’s getting married soon. With a rich guy, I assume….

Maybe the world has changed. Maybe I’m too judgmental. But I wonder if these ladies I told about are really happy? Is she happy, knowing that she sleeps with someone else’s husband? Is she happy, knowing that he wants nothing else except a gorgeous kitten to display and bed and does not care about her feeling at all? Is she happy, knowing that she can get a guy to be her baby’s father but can’t tame him because he still goes out and flirts all the time? Are they happy, knowing that they have lost their dignity and honour in the process of finding a ‘happiness’?

Would they really do those things just for money? Just to upgrade themselves?

Janey Wilcox was asked what she wanted, "What do you want out of life?"

and she answered:

"I just want to have a good summer."

We all do. But some will do anything to be able to have a good summer, no matter what it takes. Others, I hope, just like me, are sane enough to work hard to make a living, and spend a good summer accordingly, as a reward to ourselves.

ADD- Attention Deficit Disorder: when you friend interrupts all conversations, steering the talk back to themselves, since they must be the centre of attention at all times

I took this term from Between Boyfriends, which originally is ADDD (attention deficit dating disorder), but I find it so similar to my present situation, so I change “date” to be “friend”, as I am going to describe this such unique characteristic I never know exists until I met this lady.

Last Thursday, we met in this nice, posh, quite Cinnabar in the city. Just me and her. It was my suggestion, because I felt a bit guilty of ignoring and rejecting her all time, while actually she genuinely wanted to see me to catch up and trade gossips. So I said yes eventually, and decided to try (again) this time. She made one confirmation 2 days prior to the event, then once in the lunchtime, once in the afternoon, and one more call at 6 PM to make sure that I was REALLY going and will arrive at 7.30PM. She reminded to position myself in a strategic spot (hence, if cute guys come we would easily spot them and get to know them). I never know that going to a bar requires so many preparation and strategies!

30 minutes and we were still in the safe zone, chatting up while her eyes kept scanning the entire bar, searching for cute guys. No cute guys so far. The bar is famous as a getaway place from 3-in-1 time, sometimes full with people who work close by, but never a trendy place for ‘cute’ guys to hang around. They are mostly serious-looking businessmen who are preoccupied with their own minds, still wearing ties and (sometimes) complete suits, because they are too busy to think about their attire and must close deal of hundred millions dollars… or so I feel when see those gloomy faces.

After a while we jumped into a more serious conversation, like: boyfriends, marriage, and children. After listening to her, (I thought) it was my time to explain my points of view. When I was about to start, a young, fresh, blonde guy walked in with a lady next to him. My friend’s attention was distracted ever since, but I kept going, until 2 seconds later, during my heated blabbering, she cut me off by saying “Nit, he’s with his mom, not with his girlfriend…”.

I paused a while, took a deep breath, and then continued again. I learned from the past that if I ignore this type of incident, I actually can say something instead of always lending my ears to her. But her face just like there was a light bulb before and it was completely switched off. So I stopped.

And she started again, talking about the same subjects she mentioned before, her feeling about ex-boyfriends, potential boyfriends, and so on. It’s like I never exist or my points are not significant, and she only wants me to hear her and nothing else.

This incident happened more than once, and by 9 o’clock I was completely annoyed with her ADD. But I’ve known her for more than 3 years, and despite my friends’ complaint about her, I know I can’t change or, so I have to accept that. Easier said than done though. The worst had yet to come…

We went home to get changed, before going to the grand opening of a new club in one hotel. Feeling annoyed, I put all my irritation to make myself pretty. I wore my best dress and had my make up on. She picked me up with another friend, and three of us were inside this new, packed, smoky, boho-style, tiny club. Inside she met tons of her friends, kept saying hello to everyone. She’s the star!

Then strange thing happened. We had to stand up because all stools were occupied. After a while I just realized that she always stood before me, facing the crowds, so I only can se her back. I’m shorter than her, so I was literally hidden behind her back. I tried to move a little so at least three of us can stand next to each other. I need my own space to drink my wine, after all. But she kept shading me away from the world, so I couldn’t see anything in front of me, because all I could see was her curly hair! I had no idea why she behaved so strangely until I realize there were many cute, young, guys standing next to me, and she didn’t shade me away, she just simply wanted to stand right next to them and the only thing she could do was standing in front of me, made me annoyed and must be moved a little and made room for her to squeeze in… When her attempt failed because those guys were busy with themselves, despite my warning that they look so fruity, she tried to get attention by acting, dancing, talking, and laughing so loud. She even threatened to get up on stage and did the pole dancing. Lucky she obliged when I told her not to….

Her ADD was so bad; I remember on my birthday night, my best friend was completely mad at her. They were all talking with a new guy, and being a normal, polite person, he asked each of them simple questions such as what they do for a living etc. My best friend mentioned that she’s writing a book about single girls in Jakarta, how to survive the dating games, how they cope in the situation and all. This new guy showed some interests and started asking questions. But his attempt was cut by the ADD girl, who said that writing a book wasn’t a subject he’s interested in, and it was such a heavy subject to talk about in a bar. She said it in front of the guy, who was completely confused because he didn’t feel what she said.

She also had lunch with me and my friend Rocky one afternoon, the day they first met. Rocky politely tried to open up a conversation, an attempt that always failed because she completely ignored him during the meal, and kept talking to me alone, about herself and her current ex-boyfriend. For people who just met and heard somebody loathe someone they don’t know was weird. Imagine Rocky spent 2 hours of awkward moment, listening to her nit-picking about how bad the ex-boyfriend was, by dating the other girl 2 days after they just broke up, and how much money he actually made and how he boasted to be a rich guy etc etc. After we finished Rocky made me swear not to put him in that situation again…. Oh by the way, they met a couple of days after that in one club, and no surprise that she didn’t remember his name (but Rocky considered himself lucky since she still remembers his face!).

I don’t know what to do with this situation. It’s like knowing that your friend has a bad breath, and you’re doomed when you tell, and you’re doomed when you don’t tell….